Unmaking Resolutions
The overnight change that took me seven years
It’s that time of year again where every brand is rolling out their “best of” compilations. People are reviewing the books they read, the movies they watched, and just how many times they listened to Espresso. At the same time they’re looking ahead to which goals they’ll set for 2025.
I don’t have any of that for you.
When I was younger I used to love the idea of sitting down and making resolutions. It felt like January 1st was a clean slate and I could finally be the person I wanted to be. I would have all sorts of plans but as with most resolutions they were soon abandoned. As I got older I noticed one of the most common resolutions was to lose weight. The diet culture started creeping in around December and would be at a fever pitch by the first week of January. As someone who has been living with PCOS since 2005 and knows the pressure all around to be thin (even when being thin does not equal being healthy) the weight loss talk would rub me the wrong way.
A few years back I decided instead of resolutions I would list a few things I wanted to learn. Nothing major, just simple achievable things. One year that goal was gardening, and I think it was one of the best things I ever did. It’s something that didn’t stop in 2021 but has grown with me over the years. I’m by no means an expert gardener (my tomatoes were a massive failure in 2024) and I’m sure I never will be, but it has changed me for the better.
The thing about resolutions is that we expect change to happen overnight. We didn’t become who we are in one day, so why would we think we could remake ourselves that quickly?
While one of the best things I ever did was learn to garden, the very best thing I’ve ever done for myself was deciding to go vegan for the month of January in 2012.
Back in 2012 there was no “Veganuary”. The UK non-profit that started Veganuary was formed in 2014 and I didn’t even know about them until a few years ago. It was a change that I made for myself.
In 2005 I was diagnosed with PCOS and put on an extremely restrictive diet: no sugar, no white flour, no rice, no starch, no fat other than olive oil. I also had to give up alcohol. I was told that I needed to make these changes or I’d be dead of a heart attack in 6 months and completely conformed to it, no cheating, for years. I was also put on Phentermine and within a year had lost 140 pounds. I was thin for the first time but on drugs that made me crash while riding a blood sugar roller coaster. By 2007 I needed to have emergency gallbladder surgery.
I was told to count calories and stay below 1500 a day, after the maximum time I could be on Phentermine passed I was cycled through other medications with the goal of being thin, but nothing ever worked. I was starving, my blood sugar was all over the place, and I felt so unhealthy all the time. Finally I told my doctor I had to get off of the medicine du jour, Dexedrine. It’s meant for ADHD (which I don’t have) and narcolepsy (which I also don’t have) but as it’s a stimulant it’s often prescribed for weight loss. I felt mentally terrible taking it and after a couple years I had enough. He told me there was really nothing more he could do for me if I didn’t want to lose weight, to come back if I wanted surgery to shrink my stomach. Despite never overeating, not having issues with bingeing, sticking to my low calorie restrictive diet, I was just not going to be what the BMI said I should.
I had also noticed that I was having more issues eating dairy and meat without a gallbladder. As a teenager I had been a vegetarian for a couple years and found myself gravitating to more veggie meals. When I did I found my stomach felt much better. So in 2012 after the month of indulgence that is Christmas, I decided to try being vegan for a month.
And it felt great.
Every year after I committed to the first 31 days of the year going totally vegan. I found myself throughout the year going back to it whenever I felt bad. I hadn’t abandoned my restrictive eating plan entirely, I was still in the clutches of Goop-esque “clean food” culture, and I went about 15 years without eating a potato. But when I ate vegan food I felt better.
One of the things people don’t know about having your gallbladder removed is that you can still have “gallbladder” attacks. They’re phantom pains for the most part, but there are also times when you’ll eat something particularly fatty or meaty that your body just rejects. I think it was probably one of those times that a little voice in my head finally said, “why are we doing this?”
And so I made the decision, in 2019 I wouldn’t just go vegan for the month of January, I would give myself six months. My friend Tara was getting married on the 13th, so I decided to start on January 15th.
I documented the process on Instagram and only seven weeks in I came to the realisation, there was no going back.
For the first time in years my blood sugar stabilised. I felt clear and happy. I wasn’t at war with my body every single day. And I stopped having any side effects from my lack of a gallbladder.
On March 5, 2019 I wrote “Seven weeks in and I’ve never felt better. Sure I have to pack my own snacks everywhere and can’t participate in work food days… but maybe that’s for the best. I figure things can only get better from here!”
The reason I’m sharing all of this isn’t because I think every person should wake up January 1st and become a vegan. It isn’t because I’ve found the key to PCOS or insulin resistance, I’m not a doctor and what makes my body feel good might not work for others. I’m also not suggesting that people eschew modern medicine and just chow down on tofu.
The point of my story is to highlight that it took me 7 years to make the change to being a vegan. Seven years of learning and exploring, of making small commitments, and trying new things.
January will make it six years since going vegan permanently. It’s something that I’m still learning new things about each day, and I suspect I will be for the rest of my life. If you’ve ever been curious to know if a vegan diet would benefit you Veganuary is a great time to try it out. There are tons of people sharing recipes and tips to make the transition easier. And the variety of vegan options that exist now are lightyears ahead of where they were in 2019 (cheese alone has completely changed).
This year I encourage you to reframe how you approach resolutions. It may be a new year but it’s the same old you waking up on new year’s day. Remember that not all change needs to happen right away, sometimes it’s a conversation you have with yourself over many years.
Wishing you all the best in 2025.
~Katherine